My 'review' (ramble/rundown/highlights package) of the DAAS Kapital DVD launch.

So on April the 13^th at approximately 2pm on a Saturday I sat in a chair barely able to keep still from the excitement as Doug Anthony Allstars walked (or in the case of Tim – was wheeled) on stage and perched themselves on three stools.

Never in my whole life did I ever think I would get to witness such a thing. Tim lent back on his chair relaxed and confident, Richard sat on his usual side looking more the straight man than ever and Paul, who was more of his cheeky/charming GNW personality rather than his old DAAS one (much to the relief of the front row of aged Gen Xers) bounded around the stage and fidgeted more than enough to make up for the calm assured stillness of the other two. The whole afternoon felt a bit like a science fiction convention – which in a way I suppose it sort of was. There was a big screen behind them on which they played clips from DAAS Kapital. There were Psycho Bob, Flacco and Bob Downe reels and a lot of clips that were accompanied by stories about how Paul injured Rich in that scene or how Rich injured Paul in this other scene and the realisation that somehow Tim made it through the whole 2 seasons injury-free (‘You have to sleep with the right people’ says Tim).

At one point Ted Robinson (legend) wandered out and put up a crew photo. There were stories attached to some of the faces in the picture but more often than not one of them would fondly point to a face, say the name and mention how excellent the person was and the others would all agree with nostalgic smiles. It was wonderfully personal and at times it felt a little voyeuristic for the audience (in a good way).

We were told tales of the good ol’ days. Some of them were horrific, others merely disgusting and all of them entertaining. Most of the stories were told by either all three at once with confusing enthusiasm or by one Doug through the protestations and embarrassed giggles of the other two. And really, you have not lived until you’ve heard three 50 year old men giggling as they recall the porn related incidents of days gone by. 

Speaking of – did you know that Tim used to rip out graphic pictures of porn, write little things on them like 'Thanks for coming’ fold them up and distribute them to audience members throughout their shows? And that the porn Tim ripped the pics from came from their ‘large and eclectic’ personal collection? 

Paul said their touring vans used to be full of the most depraved porn you could possibly imagine and that when they dropped the vans off at the hire places they’d pretend to be a Christian outreach group and make the hire people hold hands and pray before they left. It was heartening to see that even after 20 odd years all three of them still carried on with what can only be described as childish delight at the thought of the looks on the faces of the poor people cleaning out the porn laden van of those lovely Christian boys. I always dread the day when 69 is no longer a funny number and watching the boys tonight gave me hope for the future of my own dirty mind.

Also, Paul Livingston came on! Really, it was all very exciting! Mostly he told stories about the horrible physical conditions he was forced to endure in the name of comedy. Even though he wasn't on as Flacco there was enough of a ghost of Flacco around him that it felt like we were getting 2 for 1 - the excellent Livingston and the alien Flacco. Kyhm Lam (AKA – the face of Shitzu Tonka and Richard Fidler’s wife) also made an appearance and proved herself to be charmingly endearing. And there were two failed attempts at an ‘Allstars’ chants from the audience – the first one prompting Tim to shout at us to ‘get it together’. The second one (started after Tim insisted there would be no singing) caused Paul to claim he thought we were shouting out ‘arseholes’.

As for the singing – right from the start we were told there would be no songs but I don't think anyone in the room believed it. In fact we were all so unconvinced this would actually be the case there was only a half hearted ‘Noooo’ from about a third of the audience the first time this was announced and no real protest at all any of the other times. So no one was surprised when they did bring out a guitar for Rich but that doesn’t mean the audience didn’t completely lose their shit because, well, we did. We lost our shit so hard! I think my enthusiasm may have frightened my colleague, Jason, who had come along with me. 

The first song was the first song they ever sang together which was a 99% straight and 100% excellent mash up thingy (I think?) of A Little Ray of Sunshine by the Axioms and My Girl by the Temptations. 

And then they sang War Song and broke all of our hearts. 

Ted Robinson (legend) decided at the last minute to play the clip of them singing War Song from DAAS Kapital on the screen behind them while they were singing it live. Somehow this really brought it home how much time had passed and the... finiteness of time in general. I’m not afraid to say I shed a manly tear. I’m not even embarrassed to admit that I stopped breathing after about the first verse because I wanted the moment to last forever. It was breathtakingly beautiful seeing these three men singing over such young versions of themselves. Okay, maybe I’m a little embarrassed I wrote that but I’m also feeling defensive enough about it not to hit the delete button. So there. Whatever. Get off my back already, jeeze!

Anyway then they left the stage and the lights went down so we could all yell encore before they came on to do the last song which they would have done anyway. Well that’s what was supposed to happen. What really happened was Paul and Rich left the stage while Tim remained stranded on his stool making comical gestures asking if anyone was going to come and get him. Then Paul and Rich came back (‘That would have been really fuckin’ good if you’d left the stage, Tim’ says Paul – ‘I’m a poor little cripple’ says Tim but the crowd was laughing too hard at Paul to hear Tim’s excellent DAAS Kapital reference). 

It was all very jolly until Paul slapped us in the face with the bittersweet announcement that the last song of the night was to be the last song they ever wrote and will ever sing together. It was a beautiful song called Saturday which they wrote recently to replace their cover of the Velvet Underground’s Sunday Morning (the new song and the explanation are on the DVD). It was stunning. Then very abruptly the show was over for reals. Everyone left the stage and that was it. There was nothing else to do but queue up for an hour and a half to get our DVD’s signed.

Now, before I go on let me apologise in advance for the following line –

I ACTUALLY MET THE DOUG ANYTHONY FUCKING ALLSTARS! HOLY SHIT GUYS!

*cough*

It was everything it should have been. Paul shouted at me (‘Come on woman!’ – because I didn’t move up fast enough), Richard apologised for him and very sweetly introduced himself and Tim told me to sell more of his book (he knows I work in a bookshop and here it is [it's what he'd want me to do, but also it is an excellent book]) and to top it off Khym Lam complimented my TARDIS shirt! AND I DIDN’T EVEN SAY ANYTHING STUPID! It could not have been more perfect! After we left the Town Hall Jase and I were so bewildered and filled with adrenalin over the whole afternoon that we couldn’t think of anything to do but burst out laughing. 

I have to admit as I was leaving the Town Hall I secretly felt really sad that I was heading back into a world where the Doug’s would never be together again.

Still feel a bit depressed about that actually. But it's a good kind of depressed I suppose. A sort of nice, comfortable there's-an-end-in-sight depressed. 

I've always said all the 'intelligent' things I know I've learnt from Terry Pratchett and the Doug Anthony Allstars. Now the Doug's have taught me one last lesson, something about myself - that I can be a really sappy SOB when I want to be! 

Disclaimer: I may have misremembered some things because of being human and not a remembering machine. 

What the Doug Anthony Allstars meant (and mean) to me.

I grew up in a house that firstly due to strict religious reasons, then secondly due to too many kids to put up with this reasons didn’t particularly encourage questioning authority (particularly if that authority was mum). There were 5 kids in the house and it was always loud so no music during the day – the combination of music over the sound of kids drove mum nuts. Mum and dad had control of the TV at night when anything interesting might be on so it was Australia’s Funniest or Hey Hey then bedtime kids! I lived in Mount Isa - an isolated town in outback Queensland and there was no internet.

Basically what I’m trying to say is I was pretty much a blank book until I was around 16. I had no idea what I liked or didn’t like and just used to copy my friends, go with what Dolly magazine said that month or just agree with whatever mum said. I did like things but my heart was never really into them, I sort of just liked them to fit in and to make birthday/christmas gift buying easier for people. Then a science teacher at my school recommended I listen to the Doug Anthony Allstars.

And I did. And I have not been the same since. I used to sneak into the lounge room after my parents had gone to bed, put Dead and Alive on volume 1 (the lowest possible before mute) and shove a pillow in my face. I remember I didn’t understand about 80% of what was being said but still somehow found it hilarious (possibly forbidden nature of the content and the fact that I was out of bed at night maybe?). I would pause the cd every time I heard a word I didn't know and write down (in the dark because I couldn’t risk waking up mum with the light!) then bring the list into school the next day for my infinitely patient science teacher to explain. From recollection some of the list included:

• What’s Waco? 
• Who’s Margaret Thatcher? 
• Who’s Michael Hunt?
• Who’s Rigor Mortis (To his credit he somehow managed to explain the last two without making me feel stupid at all and without saying cunt)
• What’s necrophilia? OH! It really is that? Why would anyone want to do that? Sex is gross enough with live people isn't it?! (Did I mention he was infinitely patient and very good at not being embarrassed? And that I was incredibly naive?)

The Doug Anthony Allstars totally blew my mind. They were mean and it was funny! They were saying stupid things and it was funny! They were saying disgusting, rude and adult things and it was somehow funny and CLEVER! They were so loud and rough and they didn’t care what ANYONE thought! And what on earth is a kerrowax and a dogs toy esky and why is that line funny?!

I Fuck Dogs was pretty much the one song that needed no explanation! Actually, one of the few times I got in trouble at school was because of that song. I accidentally printed the lyrics to a teacher’s staff room. It was tracked down to me and the teacher sternly waved the paper in my face stating she was shocked that I had come up with such filth. Whereas before I would have apologized profusely, felt humiliated and probably cried, this time I had to bite my cheek ‘Oh no Miss! I could never come up with anything like that on my own!’ I remember being delighted that she thought I could never be that filthy when really I was thinking I could never be that good. It was a small thing for most people but big for me.

From that moment on I was hungry for everything funny and new. I would loudly (and often inappropriately) quote and sing the Dougs any opportunity I had. From them I learnt comedy was totally a thing. I also learnt fuck authority and fuck what people think! My parents divorced soon after and I stayed with my dad. With mum and half the kids out of the house I had proper TV access. I bought Dead and Alive on video (from the local Christian bookshop! – it was the only ABC centre in Mount Isa) and watched it nonstop until I knew every word and every stutter by heart (Side note: My proudest achievement as a big sister is that I got my 10 yr old brother hooked on the Dougs. He could and still can sing along loudly and proudly to the Dougs. Joan of Arc was the funniest because it would come complete with an always hilarious attempt to do the, err… dance move by himself).

I was also able to convince dad to get Austar (Foxtel) for the comedy channel and from there, there was no going back. I’d be up at 3am under a blanket in the lounge sitting an inch away from the TV (volume again) watching the Big Gig. I learnt about other comedians and for the first time in my 17 years of life became actually properly interested in something.

I felt awake for the first time ever. Looking back – that was the time I stopped being a blank book for other people to write in. It was the time I finally took up the pen for myself. And drew penises on the pages.